Common Marriage Counseling Questions

marriage counseling questions

What if I’m not sure if I want to save my marriage?

Well, if you’re not sure if you want to save your marriage, that also means you’re not sure you don’t want to save it. Many couples find that the interaction that happens in marriage counseling can help them solidify what they would like to do. So you can use it as a means of determining what you want to do. Considering the emotional, financial, and relational cost of divorce, don’t you think it might be worth exploring, for 90 days, whether or not your marriage could become what you’ve always wanted?

What if my spouse isn’t interested in getting help?

We often get the question “What if my spouse isn’t interested in saving our marriage, or getting help? Is there any hope?” The answer is a definite YES. While you can’t make your spouse want to save or work on a marriage you do have 100% control over 50% of the relationship. Many times we start work with one spouse only to find the reluctant spouse later willing to engage the process after they start seeing a difference in their partner. It doesn’t always happen, but it certainly does happen often. Part of the mechanism at work here is that God is interested in repairing and reconciling relationships. When we get on board with what God wants to do, we find that He is able to accomplish things we never could.   Another component at work is that families and relationships are what we call “systems.” That is, like a mechanical watch, with all it gears and springs, the pieces of a relationship react with each other. Just like turning a gear in a watch a different direction is necessarily going to change the way the watch works, so changing one part of a relationship will necessarily change the way the relationship functions. It’s unavoidable. Now, that doesn’t mean that it will be easy or that your spouse will come around to your way of seeing things. It just means that things will be different and can be better. The more you grow personally and spiritually the more likely it is that you will act more lovingly in all your relationships. This will ensure that the 50% of the relationship under your control is the best it can be. In response, often times we see reluctant spouses become more interested in pursuing some changes of their own.

But I don’t have any feelings for my mate, why should I think my feelings would change?

Not having feelings at this point is normal. It’s common for either spouse to have lost all desire for their mate when a marriage is struggling. In fact, it maybe even worse than that, often it feels as if it’s less than zero and the thought of your mate touching you or you having to touch your mate is repulsive. Even so there is a strong probability those feelings will come back, but not without some changes on both parties parts. Now look, let’s get real. People can and do change. The very fact you have different feelings today than you did on the day you got married is proof that you can change. In fact, if on that day some one had told you that you would change and come to the point that you couldn’t stand to be near your mate, you would have laughed and said it would never happen. So when I tell you that you can change and find a strong desire for your mate again, then you’ll laugh and say it couldn’t happen, but your wrong, it can happen. The challenge however, is that negative change can happen with little or no effort, but positive change takes effort on our part. If you’re not willing to do the work, then you’re right, change won’t happen. But if you’ll get the necessary help then it can.

Why does counseling cost so much?

Well, I guess that’s a matter of opinion. When considering the emotional, financial, and relational cost of divorce, or worse yet a legal marriage with a miserable, dead relationship, many find the cost of marriage counseling incomparably cheaper. You also have to understand that 100% of the counseling fee does not go directly to your counselor. There are overhead expenses like building rent, utilities, insurance and licensure, advertising expenses, and taxes to name a few.   The Relationship Center also offers reduced fee options to persons unable to afford the full cost of their counseling. Anyone is welcome to request a reduced fee based on their income and circumstances simply by asking and filling out a Strong Families Scholarship. Since counseling is unlike manufacturing we cannot make up the difference from reduced fees with “higher volume” because there are a fixed number of hours in a day. The difference has to be made up through charitable donations in order for us to make budget. We do everything we can to make counseling as affordable as possible and provide services to everyone regardless of their ability to pay the full cost of their counseling.

Why bother, it sounds like too much work?

  • Imagine being able to have a marriage where there is mutual respect, mutual caring, mutual honesty, love, and passion. If you could have that type of marriage, why would you settle for an empty, lonely room?
  • Divorce is a nightmare, and while that may seem like the only path out of your dilemma, it’s not true. Research shows that it takes about five years to recover from divorce, but less than two years to move beyond even infidelity in marriage. And it will only take 90 days to get your marriage back on the right track. Why wouldn’t you spend 90 days to see if you could save yourself five years of your life?
  • If you have children, then for their sake at least explore whether you can work it out. The impact of divorce on children is staggering; not only does it complicate their lives, but research indicates it puts them at higher risk for all sorts of life problems, it impacts their future quality of life, and literally takes years off their life expectancy.
  • For your own sake, if you are the type of person who believes in the institution of marriage and never imagined yourself as part of the divorce statistics, then personal integrity would suggest you explore working through your marital problems, even if it’s infidelity.

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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What is “Christian” marriage counseling?

christian marriage counselingWhat is “Christian” marriage counseling?

So what makes Christian marriage counseling “Christian?” At The Relationship Center we believe Christian counseling means understanding both life’s problems and their solutions from God’s perspective.
We believe humans were created by God’s design, and life is best enjoyed when lived according to His principles.
We also believe that God wants us to enjoy life! That’s why He provided the Bible: So we can know who He is and how to enjoy life to its fullest.
God not only provided instructions on how to enjoy life, but also how to find healing when we’ve been wounded, and forgiveness when we hurt others. He promises to help us through the most difficult times in our life if we will invite Him to do so. He promises to be with us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The Christian counselors at The Relationship Center are dually trained in Biblical studies and counseling practice. They know how to bring together the best psychology has to offer and the truth of God’s Word to help you.

 Christian Integrative Therapy

For some, Christian counseling means: I am a Christian and I am a counselor, therefore, I can do “Christian” counseling. At The Relationship Center we practice Biblically integrated therapy or what might be called Biblical Professional Counseling.

 Biblical Professional Counseling

Biblical Professional Counseling is a framework for conceptualizing and treating human problems from a Biblical perspective informed by evidence based clinical practices. It consists of the skilled integration of Christian theology in the counseling process. It requires that the clinician be versed in the disciplines of Christian theology, Biblical exegesis, and therapeutic homily.

 Biblical | Clinical | Professional

At The Relationship Center we are committed to providing Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Professional Counseling. To us this means counseling that is:

Biblically Christian. Our therapy is consistent with Evangelical Christianity; we consider counseling a part of discipleship and the role of counselor pastoral in nature. We conceptualize the challenges people face and their solution through a Christian theological framework first and foremost. We affirm spiritual and psychological needs/conditions are inseparable and neither should be addressed to the neglect of the other.

Clinically Proven. Our practice of counseling is informed by the evidenced based practices and theories researched in the professional helping fields.

Professional Counseling. Professional refers to the manner in which we conduct counseling. We hold ourselves to the highest level of ethical and professional standards including, at the minimum, the standards of the State of Missouri for persons licensed for the practice of our profession. We are accountable to our state licensing boards, ministerial presbytery, and the community of mental health and ministerial professionals.

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

Tips for successful marriage counseling

marriage therapy springfield missouriGiven the big investment marriage counseling is, it makes sense to make the most of it. Here are some practical thoughts that will help you maximize your marriage counseling experience.

  • Don’t under estimate the damage. Your marriage didn’t get where it’s at in a day, and it’s not going to get back on track overnight. It’s going to take time and work.
  • Don’t over estimate the damage. There is hope even for the most severely damaged relationship. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed when you don’t know how to make things better. Keep your heart and mind open. Let your counselor help you discover the path to healing you’ve been unable to find on your own.
  • Come ready to work. Marriage counseling is hard work. Your counselor does not have a magic wand that will fix your problems nor can he or she solve your problems for you. Your counselor can help you know what to do, but it’s up to you to do it.
  • Take responsibility. Nobody can work on your stuff but you. If you’re not willing to make changes things probably aren’t going to change, no matter how much counseling you receive or how many books you read.
  • Understand the power of one. The truth is you can’t change your spouse. Neither can your counselor. However, you can make changes in yourself that will influence your situation / relationships for the better. Your counselor can help you with that kind of change.
  • Don’t give up. You cannot be defeated if you do not quit. Listen, the saying is true “the night is darkest just before the dawn.” Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better; this is normal. Expect things your counselor says to make you uncomfortable at first. Change isn’t easy, but it’s necessary for us to have the life we want.

Marriage is tough. No successful marriage exists without times of hardship and struggle. Yet, if these problems are left untreated they can lead to divorce or a legal marriage with a dead relationship.

Common Marriage Problems

communication problems dependency issues | financial stress | broken trust | emotional neglect | addictive behavior | emotion or physical abuse | separation | boredom | emotional infidelity | silent treatments | lack of fulfilling sex | midlife crisis | lack of appreciation | stubborn spouses | lack of affection

 

The truth is these problems do have the potential to destroy a relationship. However, they can also serve as a catalyst to get help, which in time can make the relationship healthier, stronger, and more satisfying than you ever could have imagined.

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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How does marriage counseling help?

marriage counseling branson missouriHow does marriage counseling help?

Good marriage counseling begins with a good assessment of the situation. A marriage therapist will listen to a couple’s presenting concerns and ask a great deal of questions to make sure he or she accurately understands the situation. Next the marriage counselor will gather a thorough history for each spouse so the current problems can be understood in the context of the couples whole relationship and individual lives.

 Marriage Therapists set with hundreds of couples for literally thousands of hours (1,000 to 1,500 PER YEAR). They know how to recognize the root issues.

The marriage therapist will formulate some hypothesis as to where the problem lies and how to go about addressing it. Often times this involves educating the couple about healthy relationship dynamics and teaching them relationship skills such as: emotional communication, conflict resolution, and boundary setting.
Sometimes individual work is necessary to resolve issues facing one spouse that effect the relationship.

 A good marriage therapist will coach a couple through using new relationship skills during sessions.

By practicing newly learned health relationship skills in session the marriage counselor helps a couple be successful using the tools. Doing so helps the marriage therapist work his or herself out of job by helping the couple learn how to resolve the difficulties they run into on their own in a way that feels good to them both.

Marriage Counseling can…

  • Provide you with an objective evaluation of your circumstances and relational needs.
  • Explore your past and present experiences that may be contributing to your relational difficulties.
  • Identify destructive relational patterns that keep repeating themselves in your marriage.
  • Form a plan of action to get your relationship moving in a positive direction that may include:
    • Defining what “Love” is, what Marriage is for, and How it Works (or doesn’t work)
    • Creating Emotional Safety in Relationship
    • Learning to Communicate in Productive and Respectful ways
    • Creating and upholding Healthy Personal Boundaries
    • Learning how to Forgive and Reconcile
    • Conflict Resolution Strategies
    • Healing Hurt and Building Trust
    • Establishing Realistic Expectations
    • Uncovering Secrets to Sexual Intimacy
    • Living with Freedom and Responsibility
    • Relating to Extended Family and Raising Children
    • Overcoming the Past and Moving Forward
    • Developing a Vision for your Marriage and Family
    • Communicating your Wants and Needs
    • Valuing your Spouse’s Wants and Needs
    • Being the Best Spouse Possible, in Less than Ideal Circumstances
    • Saving your marriage against all odds

The counselors at The Relationship Center bring to marriage counseling…

  • The collective knowledge of thousands of professionals, with hundreds of thousands of hours spent helping couples, and decades of scientific research on relationships, marriage, sex, mental health, and family systems.
  • The experience of hundreds of hours setting with couples, just like you, and helping them through some of the hardest relationship struggles imaginable.
  • Formal training in the study of the Bible to help couples understand God’s design for marriage and know-how to apply the wisdom of God’s principles to your unique circumstances.

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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Top Love Busters

marriage-counseling-help-springfield-missouriNo relationship has more influence on our adult life than our love relationship with our spouse. Marriage can be a source of intense pleasure or unbearable pain. Our relationship with our spouse can build us up, encourage us, and help us grow, or it can demean, tear down, and foster immaturity. Some of the top love busters are…

Top Love Busters

  • Poor Communication
  • Lack of Respect
  • Absence of Boundaries
  • Unfulfilling Sex Life
  • Infidelity/Affairs
  • Dishonesty/Trust Betrayal
  • Resentment
  • Apathy
  • Unforgiveness
  • Missing Intimacy/Emotional Distancing

When you’ve lost that loving feeling it can be difficult to know what to do. The counselors at The Relationship Center are experienced at helping couples identify the weaknesses in their relationship and helping them build on their strengths. Research indicates more than half of divorced people regret getting divorced and wish they had worked harder to save their marriage. We can help you discover the secrets to a lasting, loving marriage and the skills to enjoy your marriage for a lifetime. Your marriage and your family are worth finding out how marriage counseling can help.
 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

Relationship Healthscore Can Help

rhs bannerWhether you’re newly married (0-5 years), mid-married-life (6-20 years) or veterans (21+) marital struggle can overtake marital harmony. Fortunately, most marriage difficulties follow fairly predictable (and treatable) patterns. The Relationship Health Score assessment can help you identify which of the 12 categories your relationship might have difficulties.

The areas of struggle can be divided into 1 or more of 12 categories:

  1. Commitment
  2. Trust
  3. Compassionate Caring
  4. Respect
  5. Spiritual Synergy
  6. Emotional Safety
  7. Finances
  8. Sharing Responsibilities
  9. Quality Time
  10. Effective Communication & Conflict Resolution
  11. Healthy Attractive Appearance
  12. Satisfying Sex

Each of these categories is either a strength or a weakness for your relationship. The Relationship Health Score is a free to you assessment that can help you identify the problem areas in your relationship.

 The Causes of Marital Conflict are also Predictable (and Treatable).

The underlying issues behind our areas of struggle tend to be fairly predictable as well. They include:

  • Communication Difficulties
  • Poor Relationship Education
  • Emotional Reactivity
  • Sexual Difficulties
  • Infidelity
  • Unresolved Individual “baggage”
  • Lack of Emotional Safety
  • Irresponsibility/Lack of Personal Responsibility
  • Immaturity
  • Forgiveness/Reconciliation/Trust Issues
  • Poor Boundaries
  • Selfishness

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

Marriage Counseling Can Help

marriage counselingProfessional Marriage Counseling Can Help

Professional marriage counseling is different than listening to your mother or asking your friends what they did. Professional marriage counselors spend A LOT of time working with all sorts of people and every sort of marital difficulty. Their experience with complicated and easy cases gives them a vantage point that no one else has.

Here’s what you can expect from a professional marriage counselor:

  • Confidentiality. Nobody wants their business spread all around town. Professional marriage counselors are held to legal and ethical standards that protect your confidentiality. Non-professionals aren’t held to the same standard.
  • Compassionate empathy. Counselors get into the helping profession because we care about people. It’s not just a job for us, it’s our calling.
  • Professional listening. Professional counselors are trained to listen intently to what is being said and what’s not being said. Our training and experience helps us know what to listen for so we can thoroughly understand you and your situation.
  • Best practices. Professional training equips counselors to use the best evidence based, researched supported methods for helping people. This training combined with thousands of hours of experience enables us to be competent help to you.
  • At The Relationship Center our marriage professionals are Biblically trained to help marriages God’s way.

Your marriage is so important, it just makes sense to entrust it to some one who is equipped to help.

MyCounselor.Online has a marriage professional near you that can be on your team, helping you fight for your marriage.

Testimonial

We had tried everything we knew. It seemed hopeless. We tried professional marriage counseling as a last ditch effort before divorce. We are SO glad we did. Our marriage is actually better now that it ever has been.
Jan and Frank, Nixa Missouri

Marriage Counseling has a VERY high success rate with committed couples.

Research on emotionally-focused couples counseling shows that 3 out of 4 couples (~73%) who engage professional relationship counseling reach a place of satisfaction with their relationship. At MyCounselor.Online we have NEVER (yes, I’m using the word never and I mean it) had a case where both spouses were committed to the marriage and both spouses engaged counseling and their relationship did not improve.

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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Professional Marriage Counseling

Josh Spurlock Marriage CounselorMarriage can be the best or worst part of our life. When things are good in our relationship there is nothing better. When it’s not good it cast a cloud over everything else.  You want your marriage to make your life

better. You want to be happy. It doesn’t sound like too much to ask, but sometimes it seems so hard to grasp.

So many things can go wrong

The path to a lasting and rewarding marriage seems so narrow and hard to find. With so many marriages failing and couples struggling to like each other it makes one wonder if lasting happiness is possible.

  • We never thought we’d fall out of love when we exchanged our vows on our wedding day. Yet real life has a way of grinding away at our love for each other.
  • It seemed impossible that an affair could come between us and crush our heart.
  • There so much we didn’t know about our self back when we got married, maybe we just weren’t ready to get married.
  • There so much I didn’t know about my spouse, I feel tricked and trapped by a bait and switch scheme.
  • My spouse changed so much. We used to be passionate lovers, now I don’t even think their attracted to me.
  • Selfishness seems to dominate the relationship, it’s all about them and what they want.
  • We can’t even talk without fighting. We don’t know how to communicate.
  • Silent. Cold.
  • Awesome roommates, but not much else. We work well as a team taking care of the kids, but haven’t been lovers in a long time.
  • Everything gets swept under the rug. We don’t talk about anything that matters. We avoid conflict at all cost, and it’s killing us.

I don’t want to keep living like this

You don’t want to get divorced. You also don’t want to keep living like this. The burning question is “Can it get better?”

It’s hard to have hope when you’ve tried everything you know to do and it just keeps getting worse. Maybe we both make promises after it explodes and it gets better for a little while. It doesn’t take long, months-days-hours, before it goes right back the way it was before. Why should I believe that it will ever change?

You are not unique.

People have been flirting, coupling, and getting married for literally thousands of years. There is nothing new under the sun. I promise your problems aren’t unique. Lot’s of couples experience the same difficulties that you do. The reason that fact should encourage you is:

Professional marriage counselors spend THOUSANDS of hours doing marriage counseling every year helping couples just like you.

We know can overcome your struggles and have the marriage you have always wanted.

It IS hopeless.

There’s no reason to believe it will ever get better, IF you keep doing the same things you’ve always done.

Try something new.

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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