Creating a Marital Timeout

Holes in the wall, screeching tires, clenched fists, and hateful words are just some of the indicators that a relationship has gone awry. Angry words and actions affect lives forever. How can you stop these reactions early before they are out of control?

Marital Time OutOften, the beginning of healing in a relationship comes by calling a “cease fire”. While calling this “time out” will not  bring healing by itself to your relationship, it will help to avoid further damage. I often use the “marital timeout” with couples who are new to therapy and cannot even have a conversation without it escalating out of control.

So how does the timeout work?

Unlike a timeout for a child, adults put themselves in timeout. As emotions start to rise, one spouse might say to the other, “I can tell I am getting angry and need a timeout. Let’s resume this conversation in 20 minutes or in the morning.”  Then, because the timeout has been discussed previously when both parties were calm, each spouse proceeds to a place to think about the situation.

During this time apart, I suggest each spouse go through The Care Cycle from the National Institute of Marriage outlined below.

Disagreements happen because one or both persons are having their “buttons” pushed. I suggest that couples print off The Care Cycle, move to a quiet place to process, and then come back to share what each has learned about themselves.

Here are a few things to consider when taking a marital timeout:

  1. It is not effective when used for the purpose of withdrawal (avoiding your spouse, alienating yourself without resolution, sulking, or using the silent treatment).
  2. It must always contain a specific time frame by when the situation will be discussed and resolved.

If couples cannot resolve situations within a week or two by themselves, I encourage them to see a counselor for help. Your relationship is too important to let it sustain prolonged damage.

The Care Cycle

Aware: Create Space

  • Physically remove self from situation
  • Internally give self permission to slow down
  • Take several minutes in this safe place. Physiologically, you may need 20+ minutes

Goal: Seek a quiet space for comfort, clarity, and objectivity.

Accept: Identify my own feelings

  • What are my emotions, buttons, and fears in this moment?
  • View my feelings as information
  • Adopt a curious rather than judgmental stance about my feelings

Goal: Validate and accept emotions, buttons, and fears.

Attend: What are my thoughts?

  • Did I do anything to contribute to my feeling?
  • Did I play back an old message?
  • Do I have memories of broken places?
  • Do I have negative beliefs about myself?
  • Am I dwelling on negative past experiences?
  • Is this feeling deeply familiar? When have I felt it before?
  • Am I judging or condemning myself?
  • Am I mind reading rather than checking it out?
  • Could I have possibly misunderstood?
  • Did I get myself all worked up?
  • Am I aware of any temptation to soothe/medicate my hurt? (with food, substances, shopping)

Goal: Discover the role you play in the emotional intensity of the situation.

Allow: Allow God to Enter

  • Ask yourself: What will bring life to this situation? What is the TRUTH?
  • What does God say to me (comfort, truth, conviction, value and worth)?
  • Allow Him to remind me I am the caretaker of the body/mind He has given me.

Goal: Between you and God, allow your wants to be met.

Act: Choose to respond instead of react

  • Will my response create safety within me?
  • Will my response create safety for my relationship?
  • How does God want me to respond?

Goal: Behave with honor and integrity.

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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Overcoming Depression in Marriage: It’s a Team Approach

married couple

“Just choose to be happy,” intoned a well-meaning pastor.  Even as I type that phrase, it arouses anger.  Although I wanted to “choose” to be happy, I just couldn’t do it—no matter how much I felt guilty or quoted Bible verses. My body and emotions would not respond to “choosing” to be happy so in addition to being depressed (which I didn’t know at the time) I also felt like a failure as a Christian because I could not “Rejoice in the Lord always” (Philippians 4:13).

It appears that more people struggle with depression than ever before or maybe just more people are willing to talk openly about it. Depression not only impacts the individual, it usually deeply affects their marriage.

In my counseling experience, I have seen depression take its toll on not only the depressed person but also their spouse. At first the “non-depressed” spouse tries to pick up the slack by helping more with the housework, doing homework with the kids and making up for lost finances by working extra hours. Often the non-depressed spouse cannot understand the depth of discouragement, fatigue, and mental exhaustion their spouse is suffering from.  As a pastor’s wife and therapist who has struggled with bouts of depression, I have often felt misunderstood by my spouse and friends.  Maybe you are there, too, or you are just reading this article hoping for some practical tips on overcoming depression.

First of all, for those of you who are depressed or have a friend who is struggling with depression, there is hope.

Here are some tips for dealing with depression:

  • Admit there is a problem
    • Because I was a Christian and a pastor’s wife overly concerned with “image management”, it took months for me to admit I needed help. I was struggling on a daily basis with getting out of bed and the normal tasks of life such as child rearing, going to work and making meals before I finally went to see a counselor.
    • When simple tasks send you into a hysterical crying fit or confine you to bed, it is a signal to get help.
  • Take a Team Approach
    • Doctor:  Discuss your feelings of depression with your family doctor. They may recommend an anti-depressant. For many people consistently taking an anti-depressant will lift the dark cloud so therapy can be more successful.  Be sure to ask questions about the medication, including the sexual side effects.
    • Counselor/Therapist:  For many people, depression is not completely genetic or biological. It has root causes in previous or present life circumstances.  In my case, my mother died and within weeks we assumed a new pastorate in a different state where I had no support system. Research has shown that the best treatment for depression includes a combination of medication and counseling.
    • Spouse: Definitely include your spouse in these conversations. They are being affected by your depression and possibly have valuable insight into the situation to share with your doctor and therapist.
  • Exercise
    • For many people consistent exercise reduces feelings of depression especially if it is outdoors. Research has shown even three times per week for 30 minutes each day has a positive impact on reducing depression.  Even better would be to find an outdoor activity that you and your spouse enjoy and start today. Just a few ideas: riding bikes, walking, jogging, golf, skiing, cliff diving, mountain climbing and having sex (maybe not outdoors, though)!
  • Self-Care
    • Self-care often includes exercise, but it can include so much more. Every human being is created with the need for rest and fun. Because of hectic schedules, we often do not take the needed time to recharge and enjoy life. Schedule a walk with a friend, a drive to the lake, or a few minutes at lunch to sit outside and absorb the rays, the happy chemicals in your brain will increase and your body (and maybe even your spouse) will thank you.
  • Practice “Grace-filled” self-talk
    • Be curious about how you speak to yourself. Record your self-talk for a week. Are you kind? Would you speak to a friend like you speak to yourself? Do you have grace for everyone else but you? Process this exercise with a friend or counselor.
    • Allow yourself to be imperfect.

If you find yourself or a friend struggling in the area of depression and/or marriage, please don’t hesitate to give me a call.  I have been there, and I care.

Rachelle Colegrove is a counselor at The Relationship Center in Springfield, MO. In addition to being a full-time therapist, she is also a licensed minister. Her passion is to help people become authentic in their relationships and reach their full potential.  Having come from a ministry background, she understands the pressure ministry adds to marriage and family life.  She enjoys life with her minister husband and two grown sons in Nixa, MO.

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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Raising a Child with a Disability and Staying Happily Married

Family CounselingAugust, 23, 2011

This month’s SWAN meeting featured special guest speakers from the The Relationship Center Dr. Jared Pingleton and counselor Shaun Lotter, MA, LPC. Dr. Pingleton shared an inspirational message with couples encouraging them to recognize that the enemy is not each other, the problem is not the child – it’s the stress that is pulling a marriage apart that is the problem! He encouraged husbands to give wives a break, and to find ways to romance her…otherwise, “they’re going to be a mommy – and not a wife.”

He also encouraged wives to understand that men have an intense need to fix things, and that when they are unable to “fix” the problems, it can cause them to feel inadequate, which in turn can lead to withdrawal and avoidance. Counselor Shaun Lotter shared that in his counseling experience, one of the things that many families experience is guilt…wondering if they’ve done enough, or wondering if could they have done things differently. Counselor Lotter encouraged families to not feel guilty, but to seek help to find ways to cope with the guilt and stress.

Getting professional help to deal with the stress of raising a child with a disability is so important, there’s nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. Your children depend on you to take care of yourself so that you can in turn take care of them. Dr. Pingleton stressed the importance of finding ways to “recharge your battery” pointing out how difficult it is to give to your children or your spouse when you are empty and have nothing left to give.

It was a wonderful session, full of great insight and helpful advice. The Relationship Center has trained staff equipped to help you and your spouse. Click on the link below to visit their website and find out more information. Don’t put off getting help if you need it. SWAN gives Dr. Pingleton and Counselor Lotter an

ENORMOUS thank you for taking the time to come visit with us and share such a wonderful presentation!

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

Five Types of Affairs

marital affair emotional affairsFew things in life hurt more than being betrayed by some one you love. When a spouse cheats either emotionally, physically with a sexual affair, or with infidelity through pornography the devastation is crushing.

Five Types of Affairs

  • Low rent rendezvous
    This is your typical one night stand and may be a one-time betrayal. These often occur in conjunction with drinking and anonymity. The core of the betrayal is based upon bad choices, poor boundaries, lack of integrity, and the opportunity to act. This exercise relational quiz can help you gain understanding about the destructive emotional dance you dance when fighting with your spouse.

    • An affair of convenience or opportunity. It is not something sought out, but rather occurs as the result of an opportunity that is presented.
    • The betrayer does not want to leave the marriage.
    • There is not an ongoing relationship.
    • Does not necessarily indicate more severe problems in the marriage.
  • Lonely hearts club
    Characterized by two individuals who believe they are “in love”. The betrayer believes he or she has “fallen in love” and feels powerless over powerful emotions. The betrayer may feel guilt, but feels they are unable to be happy in their marriage and therefore must / should / or deserves to be with the affair partner.

    • Unlike low rent rendezvous this type often does indicate a deeper problem in the marriage.
    • Betrayer wants out of the marriage.
    • Betrayer seems incapable of making decisions as to what they are going to do.
  • Looking for love in all the wrong places
    These affairs are committed by those with an ongoing patter of sexual betrayal such as frequenting topless bars and/or adult bookstores, viewing pornography, compulsive masturbation, prostitution, repetitive encounters with sexual partners, and other behaviors that are destructive to both the individual and to the marriage relationship. Interestingly, this category of affairs is not about the marriage, and often the betrayer will state they do not want their marriage to fail. Betrayers often feel hopelessly trapped by their behaviors.
    This type of betrayal is especially difficult for the spouse because their suffering is not just from the betrayal, but also from their inability to understand their mate’s behavior. What the addict has done seems so foreign the spouse cannot comprehend it. Or they are in shock when they discover the sheer magnitude of the compulsive behavior (like the man who visited more than 300 prostitutes).

    • It is common for the betrayer to have made past efforts to stop the behavior, and to have actually been successful for a season, only to relapse after they believed things were better.
    • Typically the betrayer wants to save their marriage, but has a compelling drive to look elsewhere to meet their needs.
    • Often these behaviors began before marriage, stopped after marriage, and then began again after the addict realized the marriage couldn’t meet the need met by the addictive behavior.
    • This article discusses the difference between porn-related sex and healthy sex
    • This article discusses the hazards of pornography
  • Having your cake and eating it too
    This is an affair where the betrayer is involved with a single person, but at the same time he or she does not want to leave their marriage. To them, the affair partner is a “soul mate”. These affairs frequently spring from relationships where two individuals share something in common they don’t share in common with their mate. It is as if this person develops two lives.

    • Individuals want to stay married
    • However, betrayers do not want to give up the affair partner
    • The betrayers life is divided into two very distinct parts; the relationship with the affair partner and their relationship with their spouse
    • You’re not my lover; you’re my friend
      This relationship is commonly referred to as the emotional affair. Although some would not consider an emotional entanglement an affair, this type of relationship can be just as devastating and destructive as a sexual affair. If a mate is closer to a friend than to their spouse, then it’s already an affair.

      • Boundary issues are a factor
      • Betrayer keeps secrets with their friend instead of their spouse
      • Betrayer wants to stay married but does not want to choose between the friend and their spouse

 

Adapted from Rick Reynolds 5 Types of Affairs.

While the pain of infidelity is devastating it doesn’t have to equal divorce. It is possible not only to heal from an affair, but also to have a stronger marriage after than before.

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

Why you need premarital counseling

Ok, so you’re going to get married. You’re going to spend lots of money on a wedding, then spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with this person. Doesn’t it make sense to invest a little time and money into making sure you start your marriage off on the right foot? The Relationship Center can help. Call us to set-up premarital sessions and make sure you have a strong foundation to build your marriage on.

Problems don’t go away after marriage, THEY GET WORSE!

premarital counseling Before the wedding is the best time to address your concerns. Ignoring concerns and hoping things will get better after the wedding is A BAD IDEA.

Important Topics to Cover Before You “Tie the Knot”

  • Who does what? What are the role expectations?
  • How do we make decisions when we don’t agree on the solutions?
  • What is SEX supposed to be like and what sexual baggage are we bringing into our marriage?
  • How important are KIDS / How soon do we want them?
  • Marriage brings two families together – Are there in-law concerns?
  • COMMUNICATION – COMMUNICATION – COMMUNICATION- It gets tougher after the wedding.
  • MONEY – Who will make it? Who will manage it? How will we spend it?

These are just a few of the important questions a marriage counselor can help you start thinking about in ways that will save your marriage a lot of heart ache down the road.

PreMarital Counseling can help your marriage be a dream come true!

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

Common Marriage Counseling Questions

marriage counseling questions

What if I’m not sure if I want to save my marriage?

Well, if you’re not sure if you want to save your marriage, that also means you’re not sure you don’t want to save it. Many couples find that the interaction that happens in marriage counseling can help them solidify what they would like to do. So you can use it as a means of determining what you want to do. Considering the emotional, financial, and relational cost of divorce, don’t you think it might be worth exploring, for 90 days, whether or not your marriage could become what you’ve always wanted?

What if my spouse isn’t interested in getting help?

We often get the question “What if my spouse isn’t interested in saving our marriage, or getting help? Is there any hope?” The answer is a definite YES. While you can’t make your spouse want to save or work on a marriage you do have 100% control over 50% of the relationship. Many times we start work with one spouse only to find the reluctant spouse later willing to engage the process after they start seeing a difference in their partner. It doesn’t always happen, but it certainly does happen often. Part of the mechanism at work here is that God is interested in repairing and reconciling relationships. When we get on board with what God wants to do, we find that He is able to accomplish things we never could.   Another component at work is that families and relationships are what we call “systems.” That is, like a mechanical watch, with all it gears and springs, the pieces of a relationship react with each other. Just like turning a gear in a watch a different direction is necessarily going to change the way the watch works, so changing one part of a relationship will necessarily change the way the relationship functions. It’s unavoidable. Now, that doesn’t mean that it will be easy or that your spouse will come around to your way of seeing things. It just means that things will be different and can be better. The more you grow personally and spiritually the more likely it is that you will act more lovingly in all your relationships. This will ensure that the 50% of the relationship under your control is the best it can be. In response, often times we see reluctant spouses become more interested in pursuing some changes of their own.

But I don’t have any feelings for my mate, why should I think my feelings would change?

Not having feelings at this point is normal. It’s common for either spouse to have lost all desire for their mate when a marriage is struggling. In fact, it maybe even worse than that, often it feels as if it’s less than zero and the thought of your mate touching you or you having to touch your mate is repulsive. Even so there is a strong probability those feelings will come back, but not without some changes on both parties parts. Now look, let’s get real. People can and do change. The very fact you have different feelings today than you did on the day you got married is proof that you can change. In fact, if on that day some one had told you that you would change and come to the point that you couldn’t stand to be near your mate, you would have laughed and said it would never happen. So when I tell you that you can change and find a strong desire for your mate again, then you’ll laugh and say it couldn’t happen, but your wrong, it can happen. The challenge however, is that negative change can happen with little or no effort, but positive change takes effort on our part. If you’re not willing to do the work, then you’re right, change won’t happen. But if you’ll get the necessary help then it can.

Why does counseling cost so much?

Well, I guess that’s a matter of opinion. When considering the emotional, financial, and relational cost of divorce, or worse yet a legal marriage with a miserable, dead relationship, many find the cost of marriage counseling incomparably cheaper. You also have to understand that 100% of the counseling fee does not go directly to your counselor. There are overhead expenses like building rent, utilities, insurance and licensure, advertising expenses, and taxes to name a few.   The Relationship Center also offers reduced fee options to persons unable to afford the full cost of their counseling. Anyone is welcome to request a reduced fee based on their income and circumstances simply by asking and filling out a Strong Families Scholarship. Since counseling is unlike manufacturing we cannot make up the difference from reduced fees with “higher volume” because there are a fixed number of hours in a day. The difference has to be made up through charitable donations in order for us to make budget. We do everything we can to make counseling as affordable as possible and provide services to everyone regardless of their ability to pay the full cost of their counseling.

Why bother, it sounds like too much work?

  • Imagine being able to have a marriage where there is mutual respect, mutual caring, mutual honesty, love, and passion. If you could have that type of marriage, why would you settle for an empty, lonely room?
  • Divorce is a nightmare, and while that may seem like the only path out of your dilemma, it’s not true. Research shows that it takes about five years to recover from divorce, but less than two years to move beyond even infidelity in marriage. And it will only take 90 days to get your marriage back on the right track. Why wouldn’t you spend 90 days to see if you could save yourself five years of your life?
  • If you have children, then for their sake at least explore whether you can work it out. The impact of divorce on children is staggering; not only does it complicate their lives, but research indicates it puts them at higher risk for all sorts of life problems, it impacts their future quality of life, and literally takes years off their life expectancy.
  • For your own sake, if you are the type of person who believes in the institution of marriage and never imagined yourself as part of the divorce statistics, then personal integrity would suggest you explore working through your marital problems, even if it’s infidelity.

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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What is “Christian” marriage counseling?

christian marriage counselingWhat is “Christian” marriage counseling?

So what makes Christian marriage counseling “Christian?” At The Relationship Center we believe Christian counseling means understanding both life’s problems and their solutions from God’s perspective.
We believe humans were created by God’s design, and life is best enjoyed when lived according to His principles.
We also believe that God wants us to enjoy life! That’s why He provided the Bible: So we can know who He is and how to enjoy life to its fullest.
God not only provided instructions on how to enjoy life, but also how to find healing when we’ve been wounded, and forgiveness when we hurt others. He promises to help us through the most difficult times in our life if we will invite Him to do so. He promises to be with us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The Christian counselors at The Relationship Center are dually trained in Biblical studies and counseling practice. They know how to bring together the best psychology has to offer and the truth of God’s Word to help you.

 Christian Integrative Therapy

For some, Christian counseling means: I am a Christian and I am a counselor, therefore, I can do “Christian” counseling. At The Relationship Center we practice Biblically integrated therapy or what might be called Biblical Professional Counseling.

 Biblical Professional Counseling

Biblical Professional Counseling is a framework for conceptualizing and treating human problems from a Biblical perspective informed by evidence based clinical practices. It consists of the skilled integration of Christian theology in the counseling process. It requires that the clinician be versed in the disciplines of Christian theology, Biblical exegesis, and therapeutic homily.

 Biblical | Clinical | Professional

At The Relationship Center we are committed to providing Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Professional Counseling. To us this means counseling that is:

Biblically Christian. Our therapy is consistent with Evangelical Christianity; we consider counseling a part of discipleship and the role of counselor pastoral in nature. We conceptualize the challenges people face and their solution through a Christian theological framework first and foremost. We affirm spiritual and psychological needs/conditions are inseparable and neither should be addressed to the neglect of the other.

Clinically Proven. Our practice of counseling is informed by the evidenced based practices and theories researched in the professional helping fields.

Professional Counseling. Professional refers to the manner in which we conduct counseling. We hold ourselves to the highest level of ethical and professional standards including, at the minimum, the standards of the State of Missouri for persons licensed for the practice of our profession. We are accountable to our state licensing boards, ministerial presbytery, and the community of mental health and ministerial professionals.

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

Tips for successful marriage counseling

marriage therapy springfield missouriGiven the big investment marriage counseling is, it makes sense to make the most of it. Here are some practical thoughts that will help you maximize your marriage counseling experience.

  • Don’t under estimate the damage. Your marriage didn’t get where it’s at in a day, and it’s not going to get back on track overnight. It’s going to take time and work.
  • Don’t over estimate the damage. There is hope even for the most severely damaged relationship. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed when you don’t know how to make things better. Keep your heart and mind open. Let your counselor help you discover the path to healing you’ve been unable to find on your own.
  • Come ready to work. Marriage counseling is hard work. Your counselor does not have a magic wand that will fix your problems nor can he or she solve your problems for you. Your counselor can help you know what to do, but it’s up to you to do it.
  • Take responsibility. Nobody can work on your stuff but you. If you’re not willing to make changes things probably aren’t going to change, no matter how much counseling you receive or how many books you read.
  • Understand the power of one. The truth is you can’t change your spouse. Neither can your counselor. However, you can make changes in yourself that will influence your situation / relationships for the better. Your counselor can help you with that kind of change.
  • Don’t give up. You cannot be defeated if you do not quit. Listen, the saying is true “the night is darkest just before the dawn.” Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better; this is normal. Expect things your counselor says to make you uncomfortable at first. Change isn’t easy, but it’s necessary for us to have the life we want.

Marriage is tough. No successful marriage exists without times of hardship and struggle. Yet, if these problems are left untreated they can lead to divorce or a legal marriage with a dead relationship.

Common Marriage Problems

communication problems dependency issues | financial stress | broken trust | emotional neglect | addictive behavior | emotion or physical abuse | separation | boredom | emotional infidelity | silent treatments | lack of fulfilling sex | midlife crisis | lack of appreciation | stubborn spouses | lack of affection

 

The truth is these problems do have the potential to destroy a relationship. However, they can also serve as a catalyst to get help, which in time can make the relationship healthier, stronger, and more satisfying than you ever could have imagined.

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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How does marriage counseling help?

marriage counseling branson missouriHow does marriage counseling help?

Good marriage counseling begins with a good assessment of the situation. A marriage therapist will listen to a couple’s presenting concerns and ask a great deal of questions to make sure he or she accurately understands the situation. Next the marriage counselor will gather a thorough history for each spouse so the current problems can be understood in the context of the couples whole relationship and individual lives.

 Marriage Therapists set with hundreds of couples for literally thousands of hours (1,000 to 1,500 PER YEAR). They know how to recognize the root issues.

The marriage therapist will formulate some hypothesis as to where the problem lies and how to go about addressing it. Often times this involves educating the couple about healthy relationship dynamics and teaching them relationship skills such as: emotional communication, conflict resolution, and boundary setting.
Sometimes individual work is necessary to resolve issues facing one spouse that effect the relationship.

 A good marriage therapist will coach a couple through using new relationship skills during sessions.

By practicing newly learned health relationship skills in session the marriage counselor helps a couple be successful using the tools. Doing so helps the marriage therapist work his or herself out of job by helping the couple learn how to resolve the difficulties they run into on their own in a way that feels good to them both.

Marriage Counseling can…

  • Provide you with an objective evaluation of your circumstances and relational needs.
  • Explore your past and present experiences that may be contributing to your relational difficulties.
  • Identify destructive relational patterns that keep repeating themselves in your marriage.
  • Form a plan of action to get your relationship moving in a positive direction that may include:
    • Defining what “Love” is, what Marriage is for, and How it Works (or doesn’t work)
    • Creating Emotional Safety in Relationship
    • Learning to Communicate in Productive and Respectful ways
    • Creating and upholding Healthy Personal Boundaries
    • Learning how to Forgive and Reconcile
    • Conflict Resolution Strategies
    • Healing Hurt and Building Trust
    • Establishing Realistic Expectations
    • Uncovering Secrets to Sexual Intimacy
    • Living with Freedom and Responsibility
    • Relating to Extended Family and Raising Children
    • Overcoming the Past and Moving Forward
    • Developing a Vision for your Marriage and Family
    • Communicating your Wants and Needs
    • Valuing your Spouse’s Wants and Needs
    • Being the Best Spouse Possible, in Less than Ideal Circumstances
    • Saving your marriage against all odds

The counselors at The Relationship Center bring to marriage counseling…

  • The collective knowledge of thousands of professionals, with hundreds of thousands of hours spent helping couples, and decades of scientific research on relationships, marriage, sex, mental health, and family systems.
  • The experience of hundreds of hours setting with couples, just like you, and helping them through some of the hardest relationship struggles imaginable.
  • Formal training in the study of the Bible to help couples understand God’s design for marriage and know-how to apply the wisdom of God’s principles to your unique circumstances.

 

christian marriage therapyLooking for help? Join the 3,000+ families who have found the help they need by trusting the counselors of MyCounselor.Online. We specialize in Biblically Christian and Clinically Proven Counseling provided by Licensed Professionals. Session fees range from $50-$155 and we have payment plans & scholarships to meet every budget. Have more questions? Click Here for Christian Marriage Counseling

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Top Love Busters

marriage-counseling-help-springfield-missouriNo relationship has more influence on our adult life than our love relationship with our spouse. Marriage can be a source of intense pleasure or unbearable pain. Our relationship with our spouse can build us up, encourage us, and help us grow, or it can demean, tear down, and foster immaturity. Some of the top love busters are…

Top Love Busters

  • Poor Communication
  • Lack of Respect
  • Absence of Boundaries
  • Unfulfilling Sex Life
  • Infidelity/Affairs
  • Dishonesty/Trust Betrayal
  • Resentment
  • Apathy
  • Unforgiveness
  • Missing Intimacy/Emotional Distancing

When you’ve lost that loving feeling it can be difficult to know what to do. The counselors at The Relationship Center are experienced at helping couples identify the weaknesses in their relationship and helping them build on their strengths. Research indicates more than half of divorced people regret getting divorced and wish they had worked harder to save their marriage. We can help you discover the secrets to a lasting, loving marriage and the skills to enjoy your marriage for a lifetime. Your marriage and your family are worth finding out how marriage counseling can help.
 

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